I confess to having wondered why people hang on to cancer when they have been through treatment and have the ability to put it behind them. This isn't meant to be a mean or insensitive thought; it's more along the lines of wishful thinking. I so wish I could have been given the ability to put it in the past; to be the person whose last chemo was 6 years ago rather than last week and to not even think about it. I like to think that if my own bout of cancer had ended when it should have -when I was done with my mastectomy, chemo, herceptin - (by now I'd even be done with my tamoxifen) - well, I'd hope that I would not be thinking of it except as a distant memory.
Of course, I know better. That never happens. It is always with you.
I understand that a brush with cancer can cause a form of PTSD and can be present years after medical therapy is over. Some think about it daily and some only once in a while, but the truth is, once cancer touches your life, it is there forever. Your friends and family forget - but you don't. The fear lasts, the experience lasts, and in some cases, side effects even last. For some, cancer is a silent ghost, forever in the corners of their lives, appearing unexpectedly at the turn of a head, a minor ache or pain, years after they have physically recovered.
Nancy Stordhal is one of these people, not only because of her own experience, but because her mother died two years before the disease became hers. Nancy knows better than most that cancer is not just a curable cell mutation - it becomes part of you.
Her cancer story, and her mother's, is told in her memoir, "Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn't Make Me a Better Person." Her clever title already belies the storyline that we are all familiar with - that cancer changes us for the better, makes us better, more thoughtful people, and has something to give us.
When it takes your mother, and tries to take you, that is impossible to believe.
Her book explains exactly why there are no pink bows attached to this diagnosis, and why the myth about cancer being the ultimate teacher of positivity is a mere marketing tool, and why it's so alienating to most of us.
While not giving away details, the story switches between Nancy's unexpected diagnosis two years after her mother's death and her mother's struggle. She looks back on and describes her mother's experiences as she faces her own diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. It is a family tragedy, words unsaid, situations only realized after the fact. The fear and sadness cancer causes is the star of this book, not empty words and false smiles people believe they must put on.
There are no ultimate whisperings to love your life, appreciate your minutes - just sadness and regret and anger. But isn't that what this disease is about when a loved one dies? Cancer causes suffering. It causes heartbreak, and pain. This book illustrates these emotions with unflinching honesty. Not that it is all depressing. but the point is that one does not have to pretend to be happy in the face of misery. Nancy expresses what most of us feel and which society dismisses. The only story people hear is the happy one.
If you are the type of person who wants to read about the reality of cancer, this book is for you. No, it's not graphic, but you will read about a daughter taking care of a mother during her last days - then facing the possibility of having those same last days. It is absolutely heart-wrenching.
Nancy's experience will show you exactly why this isn't a disease that is easily dismissed, and why one may be dwelling on it years after treatment.
The book is well-written, clear and uncompromising. Her practical style shows through, as does her thoughtfulness. While the subject matter is depressing, she is not depressed. She has support, but she is honest that this is not a pleasant experience. Whether you have cancer, your relative does, or you just want to read about this disease, this book is of interest. You will learn that we are human, we do not have to love our cancer experiences despite what society says, and that is a message that is worth internalizing.
Nancy also has a facebook page, and a blog. She has written a book about dealing with chemo and a mastectomy too, both practical books, that I recommend for the newly diagnosed.
I contacted Nancy and she has generously offered to give away her book, so anybody who comments below is entered to win to win! Please make sure to check back so that I can make sure the book can get to you.
My Friend Marty
For nearly 20 years, I have been a member of a group of people who post online. We all started out discussing an electronic piece of equipment and now are just friends, who have met, gone on trips, and a few have married! We have gone through divorces, a few deaths - and cancer. One of them is a friend named Marty, a man who has never, to my knowledge, said a bad word about a soul. He has pancreatic with a short life expectancy. He has a travel dream, and while I normally do not post these funding things because many of them turn out to be fake, this is a person I know, care about and I want him to go. He has never been a wealthy person and can use the help. If anybody can donate even $5.00 to him, I personally would be very grateful. I know Marty would as well.
When he showed me his GoFundMe, I said in astonishment, "You have the energy to travel that far?" and he responded, "It doesn't matter, I want to go, it's been my dream and I AM going."
Please make that happen for Marty.
Me own .....ideas? and Thanks.
Finally I thank all of you who uses my Amazon search box to the right to make your purchases. This affiliate like really helps me. I usually get 20 or so on Amazon so I can purchase something I want or safe it until Christmas. Please keep using it - just go to the right of my page and search there for your purchase. Anything you buy in that session will give a small amount to me.
Please don't think negatively of me, but I am thinking of starting a Patreon to make a little money here and there - what do you think of that? By now, this blog is the size of five books and I think a little money would encourage me to keep it up. Or obligate me! :) I want to keep the content free, of course! To use Patreon, I have to come up with awards, and suggestions for those would be great! (Typically, people do behind the scenes things, like chats or something, but most are YouTubers. I can be flexible!) Not that I'm broke, but I have not worked for a long time, I still have a child in college (one year left!) everything is going up in CA (water bill - from 15.00 to 80.00!, and of course, insurance which went from 0 to 5k. I have tried to make things to sell ....you all know now that goes. The pens were not cost effective, not to mention that I get sick too often and can't be consistent. So please let me know if a Patreon is too cheesy or undignified and you would think negatively of me for doing it. (It would be voluntary, of course). I have also considered writing an book like Nancy has done, but again, it is difficult for me to do things day to day and Nancy has the market cornered! I had a publisher who was going to turn my blog into a book but she flaked and frankly, I never wanted it to be a book anyway. So if anybody has money ideas, aside from Patreon, let me know!