Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dear Sacramento Road Rager

Dear Sir,

I was on my way to chemo today, enjoying the warm weather.  I was behind your red SUV-type car.  I couldn't see the name of it, but it was awfully cute.  I mused on my own car - 13 years old and falling apart but who would buy a new car now in my condition?  I would love a new car like you had but wasn't sure what brand it was. A ranger or something maybe?  I wasn't close enough to see, I guess.

Equally cute was your bulldog, whose head was out the fully open back window, sniffing the air.  When a bulldog sniffs, it looks charming, by the way.  The black and white dog was clearly smelling things way beyond my capability, and I was enjoying imagining the scent molecules wafting in the breeze, catching his squished nostrils, and seeing his whole face scrunching as he found his delicacies.

I was not able to see you, the driver.  However, when we went past a high school and you slammed on your brakes, I looked over and saw a teenage girl walking and your hand waving.  I assumed you either knew her or wanted to, and perhaps were either a young male or somebody's mother.  So I decided it was in my best interests to go around you.  Lots of young girls were walking as school had just gotten out, and you may come upon more friends.  Besides, the way you slammed on your brakes so suddenly, I feared that your little dog would tumble out the window and end up under my wheels.

I won't be responsible for bulldog deaths.

I passed you to the right and then moved over again as I would be making a left turn soon.  I made sure I didn't cut you off, and in fact, there were few on the road so I gave you a lot of room.  I had at least a mile until my left turn, so no rush.

Since I could no longer focus on your animal, I started listening to the podcast that I had on.  Armstrong and Getty, who never fail to make me laugh.  I was quite enjoying my ride to chemo on this beautiful spring day, with flowers blooming and sun sparkling.

I came to a light, which was the second to the last light before I was at the hospital.  I was interested in the radio conversation about the poor abducted girls in Ohio, when suddenly, there you were, pounding on my window, screaming obscenities at me about my poor driving.

Frankly, I was terrified.  I have no idea what you were angry about, nor why you swearing so violently at me while slamming your fists on my car.  My driving, in my mind, was not poor: when you slammed on your brakes I didn't hit you, and I did avoid you after that, which I was taught was called defensive driving.

Was it the dog?  Was I not supposed to look at your dog?

Unfortunately, I was too shocked at your pounding on my windows and screaming obscenities at me to grab my phone and take pictures; although I did notice you were an attractive young man at about 26 with dark hair and and a mustache, well-groomed, who didn't look like the type who would go insane for no reason.  Guess you can't tell by appearance.   I did manage to say I was on my way to chemo and to leave me alone, fearing you were about to open my unlocked car and pull me out of it, and in my mind, perhaps your knowing I was going to chemo would help you realize there was not going to be a fight. (Although I knew it would garner no sympathy.)  Silly me, the 25 year age difference didn't register as also being a reason for no fight.

Fortunately, the light changed and being in front, I sped off, leaving you behind.  I watched as you got back in your car, switched lanes and made a right turn, and breathed a sigh of relief that I would be able to go to the hospital and find a parking space without fear of reprisal.

Reprisal?  For what though?  Looking at your dog?  Going around you when you slammed your breaks to check out a girl?   Clearly, my offense is something only you know, something you imagined in your rage-filled world.  And, your poor dog who fell back when the brakes were hit; a dog you left with a window wide open to come berate me,  a dog you probably would tell people you loved but didn't think about at that time, probably didn't understand either.

Anyway, congratulations.  You are a big, important man, threatening a 99 pound middle-aged terminally ill women on her way to chemotherapy for an imagined driving offense.  Way to go.  Way to live a life too, one that might allow you 50 more years; with hate, anger and the desire to abuse.  I venture to say that I will be happier with my one year than you are with your 50.

So, thank you.  You really taught me a lesson.   I will drive much better now.  I won't look at people's pets no matter how cute they are and how far they are sticking out the back window.  And, rather than go around a car that brakes suddenly, I'll just hit them.  After all, I have nothing to lose.

I imagine you are quite proud of yourself right now as you crack your first (?) beer of the day, and are justifying your actions against this old woman who shouldn't be on the street.  I would love to be in that brain and see how it happens, just like I'd love to be in a dog's brain as they sniff stuff we can't see.

I imagine the intelligence level is about the same.

~~~

Medically I was unable to get chemo, as my white count was only .7.   Not unsurprising.  Tomorrow, I have an appointment with an internvential radiologist to see if there is something we can do about this stubborn tumor locally.  SBRT may be what they are looking at.   I also have another MUGA and a Chest X-Ray.  So,  I will be driving out there again tomorrow and several times next week.  I will definitely watch for bulldogs, this time camera at the ready.  I know you'd have loved to have seen this nutcase.



27 comments:

  1. Sadly road rage has gotten so out of control. I don't get it. Even if he didn't like your driving, so what. He should have moved on. I don't gesture to people when I'm driving, but people are just so angry. They should take the bus.

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    1. Exactly. The road is for all. Glad he didn't have a gun!

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  2. Ew. What a gross experience. What an a-hole. I hope you got a shower after that. One thing for sure: It had nothing to do with you. People like that seem to be searching for things to rage about.

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  3. A-hole. You need one of those little signs for the back window: Don't road rage me, bro. I've got the cancer.

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  4. What a real jerk this guy was. A complete jerk. I'm sorry you had to go through this frightening experience. He really knows how to waste time, a precious commodity to many.

    Here's hoping you no longer run into cars with bulldogs.

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  5. Presumably he wanted to hassle some school girls, didn't get the reaction he wanted and decided to take it out on you. Such a pity you could not just drive to hospital without being abused, but even if you had said something about your treatment he probably wouldn't have cared. You have the better life.

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  6. Sorry, I see you did mention it - and he didn't care.

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  7. Oh Ann, can I use this word on your blog? It's my favorite! What a "DOUCHE BAG"... Honestly and truly. I wish we could track him down and tell him so. He should be ashamed of himself. And I'm actually kind of creeped out by the waving to a young girl...who he may not know.

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  8. and on a side note, sorry you couldn't get chemo. Bleh.. hoping for good news today.

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  9. It is scary that there are so many people out there like that. We all have to "walk on eggshells" when we drive so we don't set someone off. One little thing (or sometimes nothing at all) sends people into a fit of rage. This guy was young - imagine what he will be like when he is older. Scary stuff.

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  10. The universe brings us experiences of every kind so that we can measure who we are. You are clearly not the man in the red SUV. It is unfortunate that someone is. But, it is also fortunate that you are you. You don't strike me as the sort of person to let someone else deter you. And, you probably don't need my encouragement. But, it might be nice, so here it goes. Keep living life the way that you do, in the moment, noticing the beauty in all. In doing so, you inspire others. Who knows. You may have even inspired a very troubled young man in a red SUV.

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  11. And this is when you think, at the usually, mostly philosophical question, "If not you, who would you give this to?" -- THAT GUY. RIGHT THERE. Sorry you had to be the rage target of this asshole yesterday.

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  12. I read this post with the biggest smile on my face. Not because dealing with an a**hole is so funny, but this post is so you. It's so nice to hear from you at your asskicking best. Your blood count may be low but your spirit is as strong as ever. Keep those posts coming; I've missed them.

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  13. SON OF A BITCH. Sorry...bad language, I know. But what a completely wretched waste of space on earth. He'll probably live to be 90, terrorizing the world as he goes on his merry way. I hate bullies with a passion...kind of obvious, I guess. I'm really sorry you had to meet one of these monstrosities on an already difficult day.

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    1. Well, chemo is just another day for me, actually, so not difficult. But thank you, he probably was exactly that - a Son of a Bitch. He was young and good looking, with a nice car and a cute animal - and a complete horrible personality.

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  14. Oh, yikes~ that is terrifying. I have never seen anything like this, but I do have to tell you, it amazes me the number of minor things that people get really enraged about.

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  15. Wow! What a horrible experience. Having been a tractor trailer driver I've seen a lot of horrible drivers and jerks on the road. I hope you never have to experience that again. But, I do enjoy how you write about it. Keep your sense of humor!

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    1. I would never, ever do that job!! And impressed you could handle a vehicle that large!

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  16. Ugh! Sorry you had to deal with that on top of going to chemo today. Hang in there!

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  17. In December 2011, I had a really scary run-in with a crazy man who was angry because I'd pulled out in front of him after stopping at a stop sign. After aggressively tailgating me for about a mile, I was in full on panic mode and pulled down a deserted dirt road. He followed me down that road. In a panic, I did exactly what I shouldn't have done: stopped the car. He stopped his car, got out, and even more stupidly I rolled down my window.

    "Do you know why I followed you?"
    "Because I...?" (I don't remember what I said but apparently it wasn't the answer he was looking for)
    "No, not because of that. You pulled out in front of me. I have my two kids in the car! Watch where you're going." (his two daughters were watching, wide-eyed, terrified, at their father having a total meltdown. Way to show them how much you respect women. I have no doubt that this prick abuses his kids, too.)

    It was terrifying. The guy drove off and I broke down sobbing. I honestly feared for my life at the time. I had no idea what this psycho wanted. It could have been really bad if he had violent intentions, and my brain just shut down and I didn't even remember how to keep myself safe. Really scary. And I didn't even get his license plate number. So now he can terrorize other drivers unabated.

    I try not to think about this incident too often, but it was really scary, and horrible. Afterwards, a kind man gave me his cell to call the police, but since I had no plate number there was nothing I could do.

    I also had another man yell at me when I was in my car because I almost accidentally passed a bus while his child was getting off of it. While I will admit it was dumb, and I wasn't paying attention, I DID stop, I did not hit his child, and he had no right to walk over to my car and verbally abuse me.

    I really hate the world sometimes. I have issues with men related to my mom's ex boyfriend and being yelled at and abused, so men getting angry is scary to me and I can't deal with it. I shouldn't have to, either.

    That man was a sorry, shameful excuse for a human being, and I'm sorry you had to endure that. It should be illegal to do that to someone. Truly.

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    1. Wow, that was really horrifying. What goes on in these people's minds? Do they think they are teaching you a lesson? Is it just the way they release stress? I don't know, I don't get it. I have always admitted I'm a fast driver but never aggressive. If I am behind you and you are slow, I will relax until I get get to the speed I want again. You do your thing, I do mine.

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  18. Sounds pretty scary! Have you considered sending this to your local newspaper as a letter to the editor?

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    1. Oh gosh, there are a couple of million people in the greater Sacramento area. I don't know that it would be something interesting to them. Plus, they have a 200 world minimum and you know me - 1000 words minimum, lol! :)

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  19. we live in a very violent America. Glad you were not physically harmed...

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  20. I am a firm believer in "what goes around comes around." This dude is a jerk every day, and one day soon he will run into some guy who is an even bigger jerk, and he'll get what's coming to him.

    BTW, I came to your blog via NYT Magazine's recent breast cancer article. Your comments were very powerful. I am blessed to read your blog.

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  21. This entry breaks my heart. I am so sorry such a sweet woman like yourself had to view such underbelly of humanity.

    You have prayers from the Heart of Texas. All my love to you and your precious family! <3

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