I've been working on a post for about a month now. I cannot for the life of me get what I want to say out of my head and through my fingers. I don't think I can even blame that on chemo brain, as much as I'd like to. Just sort of this blah, I can't write feeling.
So to let you know I'm still alive and kicking, I'll update you with some news:
1. I have a book in the process of being published! (And I don't have to write it!)
I know, I know. I always said I wouldn't turn this blog into a book. I wrote it as a blog and it was intended to stay a blog. Plus everybody and their mother (and husband) who has breast cancer turns it into a book, and I figured I didn't need to add my voice to the noise. But you people kept asking me to do it, and every once in a while I would say, "Hey, maybe they are right and I can turn this into a book" and I'd sit down and try... but just starting the story fresh.....I guess I didn't want to relive it.
I can't even write a post these days much less change my whole life into a readable book.
But one day, a real live publisher came across this blog and made the offer. It seems that she will go through the entire blog, turn it into a viable book, get copy editors, illustrators for the cover and do everything. All I do is approve it at the end.
And then reap in the millions that every author gets, and live the swank life I always knew I should.
Okay, you know me, I'm nothing if not realistic.
My goal is to sell 5,000 copies. It is a standard publishing contract, which maybe you don't know, means I get a measly 10% of the proceeds. So no trips to the Greek Islands for me. Don't shake your finger at me, I know I'd have gotten a lot more in cash if I could have done it myself ... but I couldn't. Cash has never been the point anyway. Plus, there is a certain cachet to having a book published by a real publisher. And you never know, maybe I'll reach a new audience and help somebody understand that metastatic cancer doesn't mean swift death.
So look for Breast Cancer, But Doctor, I Hate Pink in your neighborhood bookstore about September 2016.
I am hosting a GoFundMe to help a friend of mine. You may not know this, but when you are diagnosed with terminal cancer, many people start backing out of your life. They don't know what to do or say, they want to protect themselves from pain. My own brother has not spoken to me since my diagnosis. We buried my parents two days ago and he didn't show up - to his own parents memorial service! Other friends dropped away, but a few came closer. Some started writing and keeping in touch when I'd been gone from their lives for years, which was heartwarming to see. When people say that they learn who their friends are after a cancer diagnosis - they really mean it.
My son's science teacher and former coworker starting bringing over food, and checking in with me. We'd chat, and eventually became real friends. (The secret to being friends with your child's teachers is an art - you can never bring school into it, and I didn't. Just like he wouldn't tell me how to parent, I wouldn't tell him how to teach.)
He has given a lot to me personally, and the community I live in. If you read the GoFundME link (please do) you will see. He's like my real brother.
Sadly, his dog has been diagnosed with cancer, and I want to help him pay for it. He is wavering about it and I don't want money to be the deciding issue. He loves dogs more than anybody I've ever seen and I want him to have this one worry taken off his hands. And I want appreciation for a teacher who has been silently dedicated for students for years to be shown publicly. So if you have $1.00, or $500 to spare, please pay it forward. He represents all caring, dedicated teachers who want the best for their kids. Let's surprise him.
Last piece of news: because I'm in this weird half space where I'm healthy enough to do regular things but don't feel well enough to always enjoy it, I'm trying to come up with some sort of life and system. I am too healthy to sleep all day but too sick to go jogging. I don't have physical energy or strength, even after the exercise class I took. I was much improved and still am, my balance is back and some of my core strength - but it still hurts to stand up too long and eating is still a big problem, I am finding quiet things to occupy my time.
Because, like with the GoFundMe above, I am big in giving back, I will send Cards on December 1st to any reader who wants one. I am documenting the cards in the Card a Day Project. I am not good at making cards (and worse and taking pictures of them) but you can see my improvement. And in mid-November, I'll be taking names and addresses of everybody who wants a card from me, and you will get one. It may not be beautiful, it may not be Christmas-themed, and it may not be art, but it will be made with love (and sticky fingers).
If you haven't, sign up for my newsletter, I will update you first about the book. Also, sign up and like my facebook page, where I post news that happen in the world of cancer, things I find funny, and updates on my life. And, please don't forget to start your Amazon shopping from my page. That affiliate money is the only money I make from my blog and it goes to buy the scrapbooking supplies I use in my cards.
Pain and Frustration
1 week ago