The worst part about October is that I am always having to defend myself. "No really," I insist. "I do have a sense of humor." Or, "No, I'm not a radical feminist; I'm not a feminist at all." Worse, "Yes, of course I want a cure for cancer."
It seems when you disagree with the concept of the pink ribbon being used to sell product under the guise of supporting breast cancer patients, you are labeled as one who doesn't support "the cause." But when the items in question are pink vibrators or breast-focused pornography and you object, than not only are you pro-breast cancer, but you are also an old-fashioned, unfunny prude who is pro-breast cancer. You are a veritable Jane Hathaway of a human being, humorless, sexless, and clueless.
The fact that you, indeed, have cancer yourself, even that you are going to die from it, doesn't seem to change opinions.
They get it, and you don't.
For those of you who land on this page by some search term I can only imagine, all the defense I'm going to give myself is to remind you that reading more than one page of this blog will tell you whether I have a sense of humor or not. It's pretty simple to do, and I bet you don't have to read too much to figure that out. But if you don't want to take the time, just trust me: I'm hi-fricking-larious.
Just not usually in October.
Every year, I highlight one group or person for worst Pinktober fundraiser of the year. 2013 was the tightest race ever, with the Ironman guy and his breast size-related donation levels; the sale of the Pink Vibrators for Komen; the "set the TaTa's free" day (encouraging women to go braless for the cure - on Metastatic Cancer Awareness Day no less), and the video in which women walked around laying their breasts on counters while clueless people stared in wonder, to raise "awareness". (One would presume that's all they meant to raise.)
But the winner became very clear as soon as I saw this and I don't believe I need to wait until the end of the month to make my announcement. Motorboating for Breast Cancer
If you can't see the video above,
try this link.
Last year, my choice was
PornHub's Donation to Komen. That was bad, but they are pornographers and how much can we expect? Sure, they wanted in on the action, who doesn't? They are not in the business of caring, and while I do believe pornography exploits women and harms relationships, the women involved in making it have had time to consider what they are doing. Those who create it - we always knew they were trying to sell product and point attention to certain videos and weren't really about helping cancer, right? The most disgusting part was that Komen took the money, and while they did eventually change their minds - it was eventually, weeks, and took many, many emails from outraged supporters. They didn't have the moral compass to do it on their own, and they still don't.
This year, the motorboating "campaign" not only supposes to help cancer patients, but also exploits healthy young women. The above "men" (and no, I cannot say that word without quotation marks as there is not a chance on earth real men would do this) are putting these young women in a no-win situation. Do they help the cause of breast cancer by allowing themselves to be sexually used, or do they say no and risk the possibility of looking foolish?
"Miss Hathaway, these women were adults and knew what they were doing."
Ask yourself this: do you think any of those women would have said yes to being motorboated without the lure of a charity donation? Did they have time to do any research or find out what was really going on? A group of men walked up to them on the beach or in front of a club, a camera was pointed in their direction, and the question was asked. Did they know how it would be used or how they would appear? How much time were they given, what kind of pressure was there, what would happen if they said no?
"Do you want to save women with cancer? All you have to do is let me motorboat you for a couple seconds. and we'll give $20.00 for cancer research," the boys ask, seemingly to only beautiful girls, a camera pointing straight at them, "Well....sure" these women say, because you know, who doesn't want to help cancer and how does somebody say no and risk looking insensitive with a camera focused on her? I'm sure some of our more confident sisters did turn them down, despite the knowledge that they were being filmed and their refusal could also be used online to make them look like, erm, well, Jane Hathaway. But truthfully, most of us aren't that confident early on in our lives, we tend to be trusting, and I can imagine being young, confused, and having said yes to this request myself, because I would want to help cancer. Mostly, I might have said yes because it was easier than what I imagined the consequences of saying no would be in today's video age.
As these boys put their hands on the sides of these women's breasts and push their faces in to their cleavage and make "raspberry" noises, as children are wont to do, you can see the conflict on the faces of the women. Their body language also tells a story. They almost universally back up. Many scrunch their faces in disgust or they look at the camera as if hoping for approval. A few frown. Many giggle at the tickling but their hands tell a different story - they reach up to push the boys off as they step back, or they keep their hands up, fists closed, protectively holding their shirts as if they could close them. Many turn away and one even takes a pull on a flask. Only one or two seem to really not mind, throwing their head backs in abandon - a stark contrast to the majority who seem universally uncomfortable.
The difference in motivation is highlighted when the boys make jokes about the size of the women's breasts. "That wasn't a motorboat, it was a yacht!" said to raucous laughter, while a women sighs in resignation, "Well, that was my good deed for the day."
"Oh but Miss Hathaway, they raised $7,000 for charity! And, the charity refused the money. It's women like you who is going to cause cancer to continue."
I must congratulate the Breast Cancer Research Foundation for refusing the money, and they did it before there was any major outcry, or certainly, before I'd heard of it - but really, their refusal is no surprise. Like these women, they were put in a no-win spot. Take money that trivializes disease and makes it about boobs, or refuse research funding. Really, there was no choice. They simply stated that the way this money was collected was not in line with their ideals, which by the way, it is not. There is no chance that they ever would have accepted money gained in this manner, and anybody who has paid even the slightest amount of attention to breast cancer charities and how they operate would know that.
Of course, these online marketeers/motorboaters (they had a promo company help them with the video, by the way) had no clue about this, did they? They feign surprised that their money would be refused, yet it's almost like they KNEW the money would be refused, and that publicity would surround them based on that.
Why, how DARE a breast cancer charity not take money from people who demean and sexualize women or which trivialize the disease. Why not take their money from guys who collected it by sticking their faces in women's cleavage. Hey, lament the guys, we were just trying to help. The boy's statement about the refusal was both whining and designed to turn up the heat.
"It's obvious that they had to do this because they were getting pressured by a small minority of haters who thought that this video was 'offensive. So congratulations, haters. Breast cancer research literally just lost $7,000 because of your personal problems with this video."
So it is we "haters" who are causing breast cancer deaths to continue in spite of the heroic efforts of these boys. Never mind that the "haters" are pretty much all breast cancer patients themselves, ones who are sick of watching our fatal disease be turned into a sexualized, trivialized, pink boob-fest every October. Never mind that I, a hater, am dying of this disease and wants a cure more than they can imagine. Never mind that $7,000 is a drop in the bucket compared to the multi-millions collected in October. We haters, we Miss Hathaways, we pulled those white horses right out from under those boys' butts and single-handedly set breast cancer research back decades.
How dare we.
It's possible, of course, these boys got exactly what they wanted. They did a video that went viral, they got to sexually harass women in the process, but because it's for "cancer," anybody who objects gets to be called a prude, making themselves in the right. They picked a charity that couldn't take the money in good conscience in order to create a fake controversy, which of course, causes the video to continue to be played. Now they are making all sorts of money on this and other videos on their channel with no obligation to give any of it away since the cancer charity they picked - suspecting it would refuse - refused. They are the underdogs, the helpful heroes, now insulted, refused, rejected.
Dude. Score.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Males finding young, hot girls and "motorboating" them, or guys jerking off to boob porn, women laying their boobs on tables, shirts that say, "Save Second Base" all purportedly For The Cause - it all minimizes and trivializes a disease that we, your sisters, moms, wives and hey sometimes your brothers, suffer from tremendously. And die from.
Why are other cancers not trivialized this way? You don't see Get Some Pussy for Cervical Cancer Research, or Rim Shots for Colon Cancer or Make-out for Myeloma, Teabagging for Testicles. Why not? Is that beyond the bounds of good taste, but this is not? Could it be that people understand that folks actually suffer and die from those cancers? And too much awareness has left breast cancer not about death and disease - but {giggle} boobs?
You know the most common thing people say to me? "At least you have the kind of cancer people don't die from anymore." That's what all these pink jokes do, these facebook games, and slogans like "save the tatas." People have forgotten there is a real disease behind the pretty ribbon, one that doesn't only take breasts, which is mostly only important to the boys in that video. What is really important is that it takes lives. It could kill your wife, your mother, your little sister - it will kill me. Breast Cancer has become a joke, a way for somebody to get themselves noticed in October, to sell their product or get their video to go viral - to get their piece of the pink pie. Just slap a pink ribbon on it, promise a little to charity and hey, you can get rich. And, if it hurts the feelings of a dying Jane Hathaway, well, who cares? She clearly doesn't get it. How can she? She spends too much time in the hospital to know what's going on in the real world.
We see through you, you immature boys. You use the pain and suffering of women, real women, like me, to get your heads where you wanted them and your pockets filled, and when we object, you call us names, because you are the heroes, not us. I hope you enjoy whatever fame you have received and whatever momentary excitement you got from making this video. I know you are not worried about the tens of thousands of cancer victims whose pain and suffering you have trivialized, I know you don't even understand that. I hope sincerely that it never becomes real to you - that it is not someday your wife, or your mom, or your sister who is eventually in my place, planning her funeral, hoping against hope to live to see her child go to college, living with the knowledge that the end is near. I hope you don't have to watch somebody you love die a slow and painful death, while everybody in society around you uses the symbols of their suffering and disease as a way to make a buck.
I hope that you never have to become men.
Peace,
Miss Hathaway.
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