Thursday, September 29, 2011

Getting Close

"If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose?" ~Robert Brault

I went to work yesterday. I realized I am taking a chance but by getting sick, I left unexpectedly and didn't want to leave too many things undone for my substitute. I was very surprised by a gift of cash along a long sheet of butcher paper signed by my coworkers. The cash amount was large and I'm pretty stunned at the outpouring of support, both financial and emotional. The money will pay for quite a few days of my family staying in a SF hotel, which had been something we were concerned about. I have posted the sign in the hallway to my bedroom so I can see positive affirmations each night as I go to bed. People have also generously offered me childcare for my youngest, among other things, all of which are so kind.

I work with great people, in a great school, and that is why I love my job.

It looks like the surgery is a go. My cold is clearing up and is not moving into my chest. I am not sneezing or coughing. The worst is that it seems to be in the larynx and my voice is shaky but that isn't dangerous. I have taken today and tomorrow off work just in case - I don't want to go in and catch something new. But as it stands I'm strong enough for surgery.

My legs - my thighs - are weak. I don't understand it. I thought it was post-flu weakness but it has not gone away. It's making some of the household things I wanted to do difficult. I began thinking the cancer was growing fast in the liver and causing it, but I got a call from the doctor today that my latest scan showed I'm holding steady - no new growth. My bloodwork is good and they will see me at 6:00 a.m on Monday.

I confess, this surgery is making me nervous. The recovery part of it makes me nervous. I've been through surgery before and not had the easiest time, and this is the mother of all surgeries. But, I will get through it.

I will be cancer-free. And, I will dance at my youngest son's wedding.

Okay, I suck as a dancer, so I probably won't.

But, I'll be there.

(I owe an apology. I was sent the book, When Cancer Hits Home, to review. It was a well-written book - by an oncologist - that gives you an excellent overview of the top cancers and standard of care treatment. But, this surgery came up much quicker than I expected, so I have not completed my review. I will. In the meantime, it's a good book. Buy it.)


  1. Wishing you the best of luck on surgery day. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. your co-workers are amazing! Good luck with surgery, I'll be thinking of you!

  3. Hi Ann! So glad your flu and cold are healing. Will continue praying for you this week. I'm glad you work at a great school with caring co-workers. Maybe you won't dance at the wedding, but you will have the coolest heels! Hugs to you

  4. Wishing you all the best for smooth sailing through this surgery Ann. I'll be thinking of you on Monday.

  5. Glad you are getting a few days off to stay well and get ready for this surgery. You will make it just fine.

    How wonderful your co-workers are to help with your expenses with that large gift! You'll be around for the youngest's wedding!


  6. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Looking forward to your upcoming posts after surgery.

  7. Sending care and support through the ether from afar, Ann! What amazing tangible support you have. I'm so glad of it!

  8. Eh. Dancing is over rated. Being there and drinking too much wine and celebrating the day...that'll work.

    You have great coworkers!

  9. Glad you are feeling better and can go on with the surgery. Wow, what a blessing your co-workers are! I'll be thinking of you next week...cancer free sounds wonderful!

  10. Good luck on surgery day! I just wanted to post that my mom has had surgery on her liver twice (primary liver cancer) and is still going strong years later. She had to stay in the hospital 2 weeks the first time, but she got through it OK. You *can* do it even though it's no fun.

  11. You are an amazing person! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. WE will all keep you in our prayers.

  12. Good luck, we will all be thinking of you on monday! Love your blog and please keep us updated as soon as you feel up to it!

  13. Am reading your Twitter updates. Congrats on coming home! I sure hope all is going well for you, Ann. Hang in there!


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