Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A belated THANK YOU for making me a winner!

As you all know by now, thanks to your efforts, I won Healthline's Best Blog contest.  That was no small feat as my competition was fierce and as energized as I was to win.  The competition was very long, but my friends pulled it out at the end, for which I am so thankful.  I was gratified to see my blog readers voting, my facebook friends, then their friends, then friends of friends.  The SoulPancake video of my family was shared and lots of people got on board.    I had a wonderful month where I gained new readers and new facebook friends and lots of people telling me they'd just found my blog through the contest and were going to remain readers.

Hey, y'all.

Oddly enough, on the afternoon of 15th, the day the contest ended, I became seriously ill.  I suddenly became very shaky, very weak, got a headache,  my heart was beating funny and I know my blood pressure was low.  I had to go to bed.  I followed the contest as best as I could through my iPhone in bed but that is very limited.

I am still quite sick - right now, on February 19th at 1:33, is just about my first foray out of bed.  I am like a little colt, walking around on wobbly little legs, trying to get her bearings.

Or, really, more like a Zombie, whose hips and knees don't coordinate with each other and who lurches along, hoping she'll get to brains.

I will soon be going back to bed as it is exhausting just being awake and up for the half hour that I have been. I have chemo tomorrow but will ask to see the doctor instead, and perhaps he'll know what is wrong, maybe this is normal cancer progression.  More likely, some tests will be ordered, or maybe - since I seem to be slightly improving - he'll just skip chemo and let me continue to improve and maybe I'll get better and this will be a cancer mystery.

Who knows?

I have had a stabbing pain in the spine and with the wobbling legs, I wonder if cancer has finally left the liver and entered the meninges?  I hope not.  Perhaps, the pain is just from sleeping in bed for four days straight? With bad shoulders, it is hard for me to turn over easily and with the enervation I've felt, I have not moved much.    It is hard to know.  I really should have gone to the ER but my one criteria for going to a place I consider hell - a fever - didn't happen.  

Without a fever, I stay put.   I didn't have the energy to get dressed, get in the car, and walk into the ER,  and my husband will probably have to take me to the doctor tomorrow, which is a rarity.  I do this thing alone.

I want to share that the first two days, I ate nothing.  Then one day I ate a yogurt, then yesterday I had a cup of coffee, a mini-brownie bite, two yogurts and a sandwich and a popsicle.  So I am improving in that area.

Anyway, all that is to say, I wish I could have been online to enjoy the celebration of my win with all those who actually helped me to win.  I wanted nothing more than to write a personal thanks to each and every one of you who helped me gain that money for my son's education as well as those of you who have been donating to my paypal fund and Derek's fund.  I wanted to "like" my brains out all over the place and WooHoo it up!  After a two month contest, we all deserved that.  I have planned (and still plan) to record my son saying Thank You since the money is for him.

But, this blog post will have to do for now and when I am healthier and up and around again, I will NOT forget.  Thank you.

Here is a video I recorded on the 14th, Valentine's Day, when I was thinking I might lose but not feeling like a loser. I posted it on facebook on the 15th, before the end of the contest and was going to post it here, but got sick too suddenly.   How quickly we can go downhill physically!  It's breathtaking.

Mentally, I still feel like a winner.



19 comments:

  1. I love the video.... I love that you won..... and I love you, too....

    xoxox

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  2. Ann I am so sorry to hear you are not feeling well and I secretly hope, too, that chemo can be postponed tomorrow and you can get some strength back. Believe me if I lived closer than 3,000 miles away I'd be there in a heartbeat to help you!I'm not sure what you might need but I could at least keep those adorable pups of yours entertained, well, probably they entertaining me!Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day! I saw the office shop by my house today and they had pink daisies taped to the ends of their pends (in a flower pot) at the counter - made me think of you!

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  3. Ann,
    Yes, you really ARE a winner (and I just don't mean that about the contest)! It was great being part of such an awesome group of people that made it possible. Hope you feel better and congrats! You so deserve it.

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  4. I know it's not like you have a choice or anything but where you ladies get the strength to deal with this illness both mentally and physically is a continuing mystery to me. It makes the trivialities I see people get hung up on every day seem so mindless. Bet best wishes, I hope the docs are able to make you better.

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  5. I am glad you won. i hope you feel better. And, now that the contest is over, what am I going to do with all that extra time? LOL

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  6. I'll bet no one needs a thank you...helping you win the contest was a great mood-lifter!

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  7. And a small thankful shout out to the hundreds of votes coming from your BCO friends, sisters, and fans ... And their friends and families. YEAH, GO ANN GO!

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  8. I hope you're feeling better soon, Ann. I'm so glad you've won this contest even if only for the hoped mood enhancement of the whole thing.

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  9. Oh, Ann, you won! What a victory! We are all smiling for you--I hope all our joy settles on you like a cashmere blanket as you lie there resting.

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  10. Dear Ann, don't you dare writing thank you letters or make your son say thank you. You deserve every cent of it because you put so much energy in it to make us laugh and feel better over the last years.
    After all this effort you deserve a brake so no polied leters,be nice to YOURSELF. Give yourself a brake, this is probably what your body is telling you as well.(I know how it works "It's not so bad if I can do just this or wait til this is over than I will take it easier." I am so grateful for your blog because I kept thinking how the hell do I behave with stage 4:Give everything up look for the true meaning of life(?). From you I learned I haven't become an other person through cancer and I do not have to pretend that it is an inspirational journey.It sucks, we don't want it and we want our life back.Go with the flow, let your family and doctors take care of you and please write again when you feel up to it. We understand.Hendrina with the blue nails , Roermond, the netherlands

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  11. God damn, Ann! You are such a warrior! Your resolve and ability to keep on is amazing. I know I couldn't find the energy to blog in that condition. Keep up the good fight, you simply are amazing and an inspiration! Thoughts, love, and prayers always sent your way.

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  12. Hunny... get your butt to the doctors... Nothing that isnt' your usual you can be ignored, love. (Please ignore the familiarities.. I'm an aussie and we " luv" and " darling " everyone ! )..

    call him... make an appointment.. and get this uncertainty over whats causing the wobbly boots set to rest woman!..

    I've loved your blog.. and godddamnnn you can write!

    much love..

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  13. Mia, I had an appointment and I saw him today. My goodness my doctor is an expert at keeping his annoyance in check. He HAD to be irritated at my doctoring myself with vancomycin but never said a word or let a flicker of that cross his face. Anyway, I am improving. Yay! I really thought this could be the end of me, I was weak as a newborn kitten. But more to come!

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  14. Ann, I just want to tell you, you're one hell of a lady. You don't know me at all, so it's weird for me to say that, but I've been reading your blog for almost a year now and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found your blog. You make me laugh, I look forward to reading your posts.

    I'm glad you're gradually feeling better.

    I apologize for the clumsiness of this comment, but I just had to tell you how much I admire and respect you. : )

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  15. I was very worried when you didn't post for a while. I tried to find a link to contact you directly and couldn't. I worried that you were sick, because you are such an effervescent, joyous person, I could not imagine you not immediately going all Sally Field on us as you posted a video to thank us all and to say, "You like me. You really, REALLY like me."

    We do.

    Hope you feel better soon. There's a lot of woo-hoos to do.

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    1. You can find my email address in my profile. But, rest assured I have left instructions for my husband to post here when I die. My family knows how important this is to me, and my husband even mentioned a couple of times when I was up and around "you need to tell your blog readers." So, you will know.

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  16. Ann,

    I'm sorry you've been so sick of late. I hope you have a quick recovery and that the spinal pain isn't from cancer. Anyway, I'm glad you won the contest. I voted for you several times!

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  17. Go_ dam- it! You are NOT a loser. We all die sooner or later - does that mean we are all losers? And that you are so scrappy, putting up such a fight and wiling the rest of us to do the same, makes you all the opposite of a loser.

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