Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Myths about Living with Terminal Cancer

MYTH 

You realize the importance of life and set about making dreams happen.

REALITY 

You play The Simpsons Tapped Out for 8 hours a day.

MYTH

You make sure your insurance/retirement/SSDI/IRA's are set up properly for your death.

REALITY

You chat on Facebook about how cute your greyhound looks with fabric antlers.

MYTH

You leave stories of your life for your children, complete scrapbooks, and do all those things that you always thought you'd finish in your free time.

REALITY

What free time? A Hoarders marathon is on.

MYTH

Cancer causes depression.

REALITY

Your only depression is because you can no longer aspire to be on Survivor.  You know in your heart you would have Outwitted, Outplayed and Outlasted.

Well, maybe not outlasted.

MYTH

You are more understanding of the faults of others, and a lot nicer to people who annoy you.

REALITY

You are every bit as exasperated as always, but now people feel guilty if they upset you. Bonus: you can use their guilt to get chocolate.

MYTH

You downsize so that nobody will have troubles dealing with your stuff upon your death.

REALITY

Isn't that iPad/cappuccino machine/sweater just darling? You can never have too many.

MYTH

You travel to all those places you always wanted to see.

REALITY

Airports suck.  Let's just go have a double tall mocha. Your treat.

MYTH 

You become more focused, organized, and spiritual.

REALITY

You are the same disorganized, sloppy, easily amused, distracted .....okay, I'm bored now.




See what I mean?











19 comments:

  1. Love it! You are so refreshing. Yes the doggie look adorbs with the antlers. xx

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  2. Love it. What a lighthearted post. :-)

    Debbie

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  3. Fantastic! Yep, so true (well, from my limited experience). Thank you for helping us all see it realistically and not feel guilty for not doing all those mythical, overly-altruistic things. ps my lil' old jack russel would look the same in antlers - I'll try and take a pic! love from Laura in Adelaide this cool sunny morning!

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  4. What are you doing in my house?

    blainejennifer

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  5. Okay, doggie really is cute with the antlers. And the rest rings true, too. And, thanks. I always feel that I should be straightening things up, getting rid of stuff, fixing up the house to be sales-ready...but, really, is that how I really want to spend *my* time? I'll just get rid of the explosives for now. ;)

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  6. Ann Silberman I LOVE YOU!!!

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  7. Very amusing! Love you dog photo!

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  8. Really? and I was still counting on becoming a better person... ;)

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  9. What state or organization do you adopt your retired greyhounds from? Also, have you ever had one die from a nasal tumor? I had a doxie mix die from that and the vet said long-nosed dogs are very prone to it.

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    1. I get my dogs from Greyhound Friends for Life. They are absolutely wonderful to deal with - they really love dogs as do everybody who adopts from them, it would seem. They just pulled together to find a lost greyhound - it was amazing.

      And, no, greyhounds are, sadly, prone to osteosarcoma, a form of bone cancer. But I have not heard anything about nasal tumors and I hope I never do. Poor puppy, that is very sad. My childhood dog was a Dachshund.

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  10. Found you by accident or maybe the cosmic gods who knows....I found you. And now if I can figure out how to get back here again I will again and again. You made me laugh.. when I make fun of myself people get weird. So I do it quietly. My bucket list that no one will listen to???? Im 64 with salt and pepper hair ? royal purple streaks.
    Thanks again for the smiles.Dont have a url so I will be Anonymous

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    1. Hi Anonymous, glad you found me. And, guess what I have been telling everybody I'm going to do when my hair gets long enough? Purple streaks! Yes, ma'am, I no longer care if it's appropriate for my age or not. Purple is awesome. :)

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  11. Heh - when my Auntie lost her her due to chemo for breast cancer, she bought two wigs: one that closely resembled her normal hair, and one glittery purple one "just because".

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  12. Add me to the purple hair club! My hair is growing out the ugliest color and odd pattern, purple will make it all better.

    You all who reject the forced optimism etc of cancer will love this book: The Positive Power of Negative Thinking. It is at Amazon using the button on this site. I have no connection with the book except to say it confirms my habit of reviewing and planning for the most dire of outcomes. I find it removes my terror.

    Love the greyhound. I only have rescue dogs, Airedales.

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  13. Thanks for making me laugh...it's not easy to do these days. It's a relief to know I'm not the only one spending too much time being "unproductive". So what if video games and Cupcake Wars entertains me? And, I'm jumping on the purple hair bandwagon as soon as I have to switch to a chemo that will make my hair fall out. I want to have something to look forward to. Purple rocks!

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  14. Love that Pup's snout!

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  15. OMG, Ann! I love this post! Because the truth is, upon my cancer diagnosis I thought for sure I would instantly become calmer, more spiritual, work on my health, start juicing and going to yoga classes. But I am still the same old me, just fatter and with a big scar on my right breast from my lumpectomy.

    I would like to think that I am a little more in touch with my spiritual side but truth be told, I can't remember the last time I went to church. And I have zero tolerance for people who yank my chain. I play the cancer card whenever it suits me.

    Is that horrible?

    Jen
    www.tamoxifendiaries.com

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  17. ~ 9 years out from diagnosis of Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer and 4 years of continuous chemotherapy, which I discontinued AMA, I have this to say... CHeM0BRAiN ¯\(°_o)/¯ Rendered alive, shorter of already short attention span and more than slightly, stoopider*。ღ♥ It's mostly good. Really, it is, especially after having time to recuperate a bit from the physical and emotional rigors of chemo. My oncologist tells me I'm a leass than 1% survivor, given my diagnosis. He light up when I see him now. I'm on a 4 month hall pass these days. He says I'm like a "well-baby" visit and compliments the developing droop of the skin beneath my chin. I tell him he'll get nowhere with the ladies with thAt compliment. Who am I to complain? I'm back in school in an attempt to reinvent my spent career. It's challenging, at best, but I'm hanging in, tips of my pinkies, but I'm in there*。ღ♥

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