Friday, March 5, 2010

Another fill

I had another fill in my right "breast." and I now have the official baby head expander look I predicted after my first one.

First let me describe the feeling of having this latest fill, and then I will let you in on the extreme fashion dilemma I am facing. Just to give you a hint: it'd be like putting a hat on that baby's head.

None of my other fills were really painful, and this time, they did the exact same amount of saline they always have - 80ccs. And what a difference another 80 cc makes, both to looks and discomfort. I think we are getting near the end of what my skin can take.   It was as if the doctor had dug one hand in my cleavage and the other on my mid back, and just pulled and squeeeeezed those areas together, stretching to the limit - then tying it off with a big rubber band.  My back is tight, my chest is tight, even my arm to the elbow is tight   The insides are also tight - and sore.  The muscle that was split in half that the expander is under stretches outward too and that causes the pain.   It's a strange feeling and not a pleasant one at all.

Let's just say, I"m not taking it as well as the child in the picture.

For you gals coming up in the ranks, let me assure you it's not painkiller worthy either. At least not vicodin, maybe a little motrin.   Just make sure you open all your jars before you need them and figure out a comfortable way to sleep.

So now, for the fashion dilemma:   My body is half Pamela Anderson and half Kate Hudson. Not an easy look to master.

That's in clothes. Naked, my chest looks like a large hard turtle shell sleeping next to a small soft pear.

Honestly, how on earth do you dress around that?  The scarf look is in, and wrapping a scarf around my neck and chest to cover would be feasible. Except that I'm wearing scarves around my head. Scarves on the head and the chest is a fashion that you might get away with in New York, or maybe Maine, but it isn't one you can do in California.

We just don't approve of that much scarfing around here.

The layered look is a good one, and that has been my strategy. I  wear a tank, a tunic, a sweater, leggings, lots of necklaces and I hope everybody is distracted by all those layers and my head scarf to even think about  what is really going on.

To achieve some semblance of symmetry, I resurrected my foob and put it to work on my left side, where my real breast is. I stick the foob under the left side and haul that bra strap to the limit to try to create equality.  (Remember when we used to burn bras to create equality?)

If they only made a one-sided push-up bra.

It kinda works if you don't look at it too closely. The problem with the expander is it's hard. Immovable. Like a rock. Inflexible, fake cleavage up to my collarbone.  My real side is soft and lower.  It's not any easier to camouflage in sweaters either,  as the heir and the spare aren't on the same scale.  Lots of colors, pattern and movement in clothing is all I can think of to try and combat this problem.

Unfortunately, the majority of my winter wardrobe is black and brown.

I have at least one more fill to go - my plastic surgeon likes to expand it 20% more than I'll need. He'll know how close I am next time, and then we'll start talking surgery, which has to be at least six weeks after chemo is over.

I am not looking forward to the next jump in size - especially since the weather will be warming up.  Sacramento is often 90 to 100 degrees in May.  How am I supposed to cover it then? I'll bet not even Stacy and Clinton have a solution to this problem.

My next tissue expander fill happens April 1st.  An appropriate date for looking the fool. 

Is that baby laughing at me?



  1. All I can say is..

    "I KNOW!"

    and I feel your...itch

  2. OMG...Stacey and Clinton should be on this one.
    "On a very special"What not to wear..."

  3. I WISH my plastics guy had gone as slow as yours! I had a bilateral Mastectomy with Immediate recon in march of 2011. I was filled EVERY FREAKING MONDAY, for six weeks, until I was large enough for the 800cc implants that would fit my 6' frame. Every time we would leave I'd look at my boyfriend and he just know.... "Imdoing everything for the next 5 days. It would hurt that long. Then id get relief on Sunday, and monday be back in his office at 10a.m. I wanted to jam that saline filled needle in HIS chest. Ugh.
    If I could go back, I would beg to go slower. I didnt know you could at that time. :-/

    Love your blog!
    Kisha Hendrix
    36 and Living with MBC (Metastatic Breast Cancer)

    If you ever have a chance, check out my blog "Lumps, Bumps, and wtf was that"


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