Thursday, July 8, 2010

I don't need no stinkin' doctors

Last night, I decided to get to the bottom of the 1.6 cm focus of asymmetry.  I did a breast self exam like no other.  It was the champion of BSE's - the Mohammad Ali of exams.  I stood straight up, put my arm over my head,  and felt every single inch (I mean centimeter) of my remaining breast.  I laid down, and poked around in there like a boy digging for worms.  I even leaned forward to see if I could jiggle anything loose. I squeezed, I prodded, I patted, I probed, I smoothed.

And, I felt nothing.

Nothing that is, but a couple of cysts that have been there the whole time, and who I know well.

A 1.6 cm cancer would have to be palpable.  That's 2/3rds of an inch.  Lots of woman find cancers by feel that are smaller than that.   Despite the fact that my last cancer was jumping up and down and trying to get my attention, I still know what a smaller, shyer one would feel like.

So, after an exhaustive study, I have concluded that there is nothing in there.

Besides, no cancer can live in my body now, I've been poisoned, and all hormones removed.

My official diagnosis is a cyst that got caught up the wrong way in their infernal paddles and gave an asymmetrical appearance on the imaging studies.


In the future, I won't be calling my doctor and asking for a "routine" mammogram.  The days of my breasts combined with the word routine are over.  I will go straight to the diagnostics.  If I have to say I feel a lump, it won't be a total lie.  There are always going to be cysts in there. Lesson learned.

All I need now is to be told officially that my breast is empty.

Ah, the roller coaster that is life with cancer.

Now I better go focus on something else.


  1. Since you don't have the "same day service" I got at Mayo (and on top of all that, surgery within one week with intraoperative pathology so margins could be determined instantly during the process, not have to be redone later), I think your plan is exactly right - no "routines" for you! Many thanks for your good humor and faithful blogging, it helps us all!

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