I confess, I've been having a bad cancer day.
Most of the time I'm fine, and I don't worry about a recurrence or think about the changes I've undergone. Trite as the saying may be, "it is what it is" captures my mindset. I don't consider myself in remission, I consider myself done with this beast.
But today? I'm tired. My shoulder hurts more than normal, and I feel very frustrated being in chronic pain for so long. It's not fair after what I've been through to have to deal with this arm/shoulder problem too. I waited so long for hair - and I still haven't been able to comb it! The pain prevents me from sleeping at night but I have to nap when I get home, which means no time for my family. I've suddenly become very bloated (or fat) and can no longer fit into any of my clothes. And, because I have no right arm strength, I can't even try to button tight pants. Which is a problem since I have to pee all the time.
Not that they would button anyway. I look like I'm seven months pregnant.
When I feel bad and get tired, as I am today, that's when I start thinking about cancer again. I get discouraged, feeling like this will never end.
Like maybe it's coming back.
I even googled "bloating, shoulder pain, gas, peeing, thirst." Of course, what was the #1 result? Ovarian cancer, that's what.
Yes, I'm having a bad cancer day. Yes, I have been feeling like I am a cancer victim right now.
Today, I received this video in my inbox. Just in time.
If you are having a bad cancer day, I highly recommend you watch it.
You know what? I'm not a victim. I'm struggling with a bad day like every single person on this planet does. My cancer isn't back, I'm just getting older. I'll be fine tomorrow.
Pain and Frustration
1 week ago