Being turned away for a regular mammogram sparked something in me, even though nobody had even seen my breasts. I did call my doctor to get the right orders, then I turned to my old friend, google.
"hard breast lump, indentation, dimple"
6,740 results in 0.58 seconds and all of them landing on breast cancer sites.
I totally didn't like that result, so I add "+cyst." Still getting all kinds of breast cancer sites.
I try a new tactic and do a google image search (breast dimple) to find a picture of what my breast looks like so I can see other non-cancerous weird breast shapes.
I suggest you not try that search as there is some horrible hole you can get in your butt that shows up with those search terms, and I had to see those photos dozens of times before I found a picture similar to my breast indendation:
Here is what I see:
Except, it's on the right side of the nipple, but kind of in the same place.
And yeah, that is from a cancer site.
My lump is painful, which I find out is a good sign as cancer doesn't hurt.
Except when it does.
Over the next week, I become obsessed with that lump. I'm constantly feeling it. I'm like a 14 year old male getting to 2nd base for the first time. I'm pinching, squeezing, inspecting. I google cancer symptoms then check: is it movable? No, it doesn't seem to be. Squishy? Nope. Is it attached to the skin? Hard to say, but I can't really pinch above the lump. Attached to the chest wall? I dig around to try and find out. I look at the skin close up, and it's darkened above the lump. Is that because of my manhandling? I don't know. The skin appears a little bit dimpled, which I learn is called peau de' orange, or orange peel. I'm not SURE if I have peau de' orange or if I'm imagining it. The skin does look different though.
What I am sure of is I have cancer. Just as I was 110% sure it was a cyst before my phantom mammogram - after my hours of googling, I was 110% sure in the other direction.
I have breast cancer.