Monday, September 28, 2009

MRI-Guided Core Biopsy


Take one MRI machine
Place patient face down with boob through hole
Apply mastectomy paddles
Turn machine on. Mix well.

Pull patient out.
Inject tenderizer contrast dye
Slice breast
Use vacuum extractor to remove meat
Plate meat.
Add ice to patient.

Serve in two days.

The doctor repeatedly told me how well I was doing. She seemed sincerely impressed.

All I did was lie there.  If they'd given me a pillow, I'd have fallen asleep. 

How come in real life I don't get compliments for lying down?   Wouldn't life be fabulous if I could lie down at work for an hour and have my boss come in and tell me what a good job I'm doing?   I am a champion lyer-downer: I'd get raise after raise, and promotion after promotion.   Pretty soon, I could go on the professional resting circuit and get famous.  I could share my talent by lying on fabulous designer couches while entertaining George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

Oh well.

1 comment:

  1. You make it sound so appetizing! and I am sure it was a wonderful time. I hate those tests. Now that you are in pain, just sit around and wait for the results. Thank you very much. Ouch!


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