She wears on her chest
And when Daddy comes home
He never gets no rest
'Cause she's playing all night
And the music's all right
Mama's got a squeezebox
Daddy never sleeps at night
You haven't lived until you have had a tissue expander implanted under your chest muscle and filled with saline every three weeks. After last Monday, I have 160 ccs of saline under there, which makes for a pretty fabulous little toy. Especially so for the ADD women among us, not that I would point a finger at myself.
Unless that finger gets to poke a water balloon inside your own body - then who could resist?
Not even you, don't lie.
It's pretty hard to keep my fingers off my own internal water balloon. The skin and surrounding area is numb, but inside the expander I feel bubbles that I can push from one area to another. You can squeeze it on the left and it'll get bigger on the right. Every morning when I wake up, depending on how I sleep, it's shaped differently, and I have fun trying to mold it back into a breast-like form. Or a pyramid. Or a dog.
Whatever strikes my fancy.
You've played with water balloons, right? You've pushed the water back and forth - taking one end and squeezing it to the other, trying to make a little blister poke out on the side and stick it back with your finger - I know you have.
Well, I get to do the same thing - only inside my body.
You can't tell me that's not freaking awesome.
It's especially useful when your iPhone is out of battery power and you are sitting at a Starbucks sipping your holiday Peppermint Mocha. I don't know what is more fun - pushing the bubbles in your budding boob back and forth, or watching the Starbucks hipsters try not to stare as you do it.
Okay, okay, the truth.
I only do it at home.
I still have some manners.
That is, until the day I can figure out how to throw it at somebody. Wouldn't that be fun?